Spike Walters

‘Argylle’ is a Triple Threat … Uninspired, Idiotic and Boring

HollywoodChicago.com Oscarman rating: 1.0/5.0
Rating: 1.0/5.0

CHICAGO – “Argylle” is a nasty, smelly cinematic hairball coughed up on unsuspecting audiences. It’s a collection of half remembered clichés, atrocious writing, incoherent action, and terrible performances. A flaming dumpster fire of which only the great comic actor Catherine O’Hara emerges largely unscathed.

Zac Efron the Weak Link in Wrestling Drama ‘The Iron Claw’

HollywoodChicago.com Oscarman rating: 2.0/5.0
Rating: 2.0/5.0

CHICAGO – An epic piece of miscasting puts “The Iron Claw” in a sleeper hold it’s never quite able to escape from … the pint sized gaping empty hole at its center has a name, and it is Zac Efron. Efron mistakenly believes that his admittedly drastic physical transformation will do his acting for him. But instead of looking tough, he instead looks distractingly cartoonish, like a He-Man doll come to life.

Charming Timothée Chalomet Brings the Willy to ‘Wonka’

HollywoodChicago.com Oscarman rating: 3.5/5.0
Rating: 3.5/5.0

CHICAGO – “Wonka” is a sweet, perhaps too sweet, musical origin story of the world famous cantankerous candy man. Timothée Chalomet has got a song in his heart and sweets up his sleeve in a movie that threatens to give old fashioned “family films” a good name once again.

The Subconscious Cage in Sharp ‘Dream Scenario’

HollywoodChicago.com Oscarman rating: 4.0/5.0
Rating: 4.0/5.0

CHICAGO – Nicolas Cage makes a welcome return to Charlie Kaufman-like mind bending drama in “Dream Scenario.” He stars as Paul Matthews, a bald and schlubby college professor always clad in an ever present winter coat. His unremarkable life takes a turn when he mysteriously begins appearing in millions of people’s dreams.

MCU’s ‘The Marvels’ is Decidedly Non-Marvelous

HollywoodChicago.com Oscarman rating: 2.0/5.0
Rating: 2.0/5.0

CHICAGO – Some Marvel movies are essential viewing for those following the ongoing advancements in the Marvel Cinema Universe (MCU). “The Marvels” is eminently skippable, and draws from so many different MCU properties it almost feels like you’d have to cram for a comic book final exam to understand half of what is going on.

Boring ‘Five Nights at Freddy’s’ is Five Nights Too Many

HollywoodChicago.com Oscarman rating: 1.5/5.0
Rating: 1.5/5.0

CHICAGO – For the uninitiated, “Five Nights At Freddy’s” is based on a popular series of video games with a simple premise … you play a security guard trapped inside a Chuck E Cheese-type pizzeria where the animatronics come to life and keep trying to kill you. Yet the biggest threat facing audiences with the film is that they just might die… of boredom.

Agatha Christie’s Hercule Poirot Will Go ‘A Haunting in Venice’

HollywoodChicago.com Oscarman rating: 3.5/5.0
Rating: 3.5/5.0

CHICAGO – While Kenneth Branagh still isn’t a favorite Hercule Poirot, I was as surprised as anyone to find that this third go around as the Belgian detective was my favorite. As the title implies, there are jump scares a-plenty as Poirot tries to get his little gray cells around the strange goings-on in a spooky house, and solve the mystery.

Scenario of ‘Gran Turismo’ Gets Stuck in First Gear

HollywoodChicago.com Oscarman rating: 2.0/5.0
Rating: 2.0/5.0

CHICAGO – “Gran Turismo” uses the life story of a gamer named Jann Mardenborough to get its message across … he was a college dropout in the UK who used the hours spent behind the steering wheel in his bedroom to become a real race car driver. While the racing scenes deliver the goods, this poorly conceived piece of product placement never gets its narrative out of first gear.

‘Strays’ Poops Out on Its Hard-R Talking Dog Premise

HollywoodChicago.com Oscarman rating: 1.5/5.0
Rating: 1.5/5.0

CHICAGO – “Strays” is a film that features a cast full of legitimately funny people, but this Hard-R-Rated talking dog movie poops out long before the final credits roll. The film tries to have heart, but is too busy making labored poo-poo jokes to give the schmaltz much gusto.

‘Oppenheimer’ is a Masterpiece That Allows Us to Think

HollywoodChicago.com Oscarman rating: 5.0/5.0
Rating: 5.0/5.0

CHICAGO – With “Oppenheimer,” director Christopher Nolan reminds us of what a blockbuster can be. They need not all be brain dead exercises in grunting and effects. Instead he delivers a thoughtful film that manages to synthesize complex elements like quantum physics into a piece of cinematic entertainment that just might be his most profound film yet.

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