Blu-ray Review: ‘Conan the Barbarian’ Remake Fails in Every Way

Printer-friendly versionPrinter-friendly versionE-mail page to friendE-mail page to friendPDF versionPDF version
No votes yet

CHICAGO – There were a disturbing number of remakes in 2011 that failed to justify their existence, including “The Thing,” “Footloose,” and, perhaps worst of all, Marcus Nispel’s “Conan the Barbarian.” The man behind the equally worthless remakes of “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” and “Friday the 13th” has carved out his own niche of dubious filmmaking decisions that make the original look like a masterpiece in comparison. The first “Conan” worked almost entirely because of the star power brought to it by Ah-nuld. The words star power and Jason Momoa have never been used together in a sentence before now.

HollywoodChicago.com Blu-Ray Rating: 1.0/5.0
Blu-Ray Rating: 1.0/5.0

Momoa steps into the over-sized sandals of the title character, a Cimmerian warrior out for revenge against the people who murdered his father (Ron Perlman) and destroyed his village. In fact, we first meet Conan as a baby after he’s literally cut of his mother’s womb as she lays dying on the battlefield. This is a man born of war, destined for destruction. And such, the film that follows that gory opening scene, falls together as predictably as one might imagine it would. There’s just no personality here, nothing to distinguish the film not only from its source material but from countless works like it. The movie never develops anything interesting enough to answer the question of why it exists in the first place. It’s not horrendous, but mostly just because it’s never memorable enough to be that bad. It’s just dull, something Ah-nuld never was in his prime.

Conan the Barbarian
Conan the Barbarian
Photo credit: Lionsgate

Synopsis:
A quest that begins as a personal vendetta for the fierce Cimmerian warrior soon turns into an epic battle against hulking rivals, horrific monsters, and impossible odds, as Conan realizes he is the only hope of saving the great nations of Hyboria from an encroaching reign of supernatural evil.

Special Features:
o Feature-Length Audio Commentary with Director Marcus Nispel
o Feature-Length Audio Commentary with Stars Jason Momoa and Rose McGowan
o The Conan Legacy
o Robert E. Howard - The Man Who Would Be Conan
o Battle Royal - Engineering The Action
o Staging The Fights
o Digital Copy Of Feature Film

“Conan the Barbarian” stars Jason Momoa, Rachel Nichols, Stephen Lang, Rose McGowan, and Ron Perlman. It was directed by Marcus Nispel and released on Blu-ray and DVD on November 22nd, 2011.

HollywoodChicago.com content director Brian Tallerico

By BRIAN TALLERICO
Content Director
HollywoodChicago.com
brian@hollywoodchicago.com

User Login

Free Giveaway Mailing

TV, DVD, BLU-RAY & THEATER REVIEWS

  • Manhunt

    CHICAGO – Patrick McDonald of HollywoodChicago.com appears on “The Morning Mess” with Dan Baker on WBGR-FM (Monroe, Wisconsin) on March 21st, 2024, reviewing the new streaming series “Manhunt” – based on the bestseller by James L. Swanson – currently streaming on Apple TV+.

  • Topdog/Underdog, Invictus Theatre

    CHICAGO – When two brothers confront the sins of each other and it expands into a psychology of an entire race, it’s at a stage play found in Chicago’s Invictus Theatre Company production of “Topdog/Underdog,” now at their new home at the Windy City Playhouse through March 31st, 2024. Click TD/UD for tickets/info.

Advertisement



HollywoodChicago.com on Twitter

archive

HollywoodChicago.com Top Ten Discussions
referendum
tracker