Film Review: ‘I Melt With You’ Succumbs to Shallow Pretensions

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CHICAGO – Mark Pellington’s “I Melt with You” is one of the worst movies of 2011, but has the benefit of also being among the weirdest. Students of rotten cinema will surely flock to this disaster simply to watch it in morbid, mouth-gaping awe. Yet without a scenery chewing wild card like Nicolas Cage in the ensemble, this mournful mess is far from an enjoyable guilty pleasure.

Rating: 1.0/5.0

While Diablo Cody points a scathingly satirical eye at women who refuse to grow up in her new comedy, “Young Adult,” “Melt” assembles a group of overgrown adolescents and expects us to not only take them seriously but empathize with their suffering. These guys are such self-absorbed losers that they make the cast of “Man Up” look mature and refined in comparison. The picture is an interminable slog toward an inevitable conclusion that just might inspire viewers to rip the hair out of their skulls.

Read Matt Fagerholm’s full review of “I Melt with You” in our reviews section.

“I’m sick and tired of cynical artists!” pouts Richard (Thomas Jane) during an annual reunion with his three former college buddies, Ron (Jeremy Piven), Jonathan (Rob Lowe) and Tim (Christian McKay). His words seem to reflect the thoughts of the filmmaker, who boldly set out to make a sincere work of art devoid of irony. Unfortunately, the resulting picture is little more than an arty curiosity bursting with film school pretension and populated by infuriatingly inane characters. The entire first hour consists of meandering montages where the four friends skinny dip, get high, laugh boisterously at things that aren’t funny, take every last drug and pill in sight, hit on girls half their age and morosely reflect on their pathetically empty lives. “What are you hiding from, old man?” asks one of Richard’s failed conquests during one of many laughably forced arguments. Glenn Porter’s debut screenplay lacks all sense of subtlety and intrigue when attempting to reveal each man’s barely concealed demons. The film begins with a series of words that flash onscreen and literally spell out male insecurities such as, “My Hair Is Falling Out.” If this brooding intro didn’t provide enough clues to where this film is headed, then McKay’s grave, marble-eyed stare will leave no shadow of a doubt.

Continue reading for Matt Fagerholm’s full “I Melt with You” review.

Thomas Jane, Rob Lowe and Jeremy Piven in I MELT WITH YOU, a Magnolia Pictures release.
Photo credit: Magnolia Pictures