Blu-Ray Review: ‘When in Rome’ Fails on Every Conceivable Level

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CHICAGO – Just when you thought Hollywood’s recent slate of romantic comedies couldn’t get any worse, along comes “When in Rome,” a film so deplorable that it should be arrested for cinematic harassment. The filmmakers seem hellbent on systematically humiliating each member of its gifted ensemble, while insulting moviegoers with the very notion that this exercise in laziness could be passed off as entertainment.

I once told Jason Reitman that “Juno” was the first film I ever wanted to date. “When in Rome” is not the first film I ever wanted to dump, but it surely is the first I ever wanted to file a restraining order against. It plays like a checklist of tired tropes that I never want to see again at the movies. A “magical” premise that’s merely an excuse for contrived plot arcs? Check. A neurotic female protagonist who constantly needs to be saved by her man? Check. An assortment of annoying sidekicks who live only to serve the better-looking leads? Check. A pathetic attempt by Jon Heder to continue milking his “Napoleon Dynamtie” persona? Check. An inexplicable cameo by Shaquille O’Neal? Double check.

HollywoodChicago.com Blu-Ray Rating: 1.0/5.0
Blu-Ray Rating: 1.0/5.0

Kristen Bell certainly has the potential to carry a feature-length star vehicle, but no role, not even Sarah Marshall, has given her the opportunity to shine. She’s primarily been required to look pretty while blankly observing the antics of various male eccentrics. In “Rome,” she tries to be funny herself, but ends up doing a pale imitation of Anne Hathaway’s klutzy pratfalls and self-aware snark. She’s improbably cast as a New York art curator who races to Rome for her sister’s wedding, and falls for the groom’s hunky roommate, played by Josh Duhamel, doing a pale imitation of Vince Vaughn’s deadpan, rapid-fire line delivery. Disillusioned by her dating track record, she steals five coins from the Fountain of Love, thus causing the male owners of each coin to fall hopelessly in love with her. But these “suitors” aren’t just in love. They’re raving maniacs hammering their one-note comic personas into the ground until they come off not as funny or charming, but creepy and annoying. Very, very annoying.

Josh Duhamel and Kristen Bell star in Mark Steven Johnson’s When in Rome.
Josh Duhamel and Kristen Bell star in Mark Steven Johnson’s When in Rome.
Photo credit: Touchstone Home Entertainment

We’re treated to the sight of Will Arnett mangling an Italian accent, Dax Shepard staring in amazement at his own abs, Jon Heder performing magic tricks while an uncredited Efren Ramirez (Pedro in “Dymanite”) dutifully films him, and Danny DeVito making embarrassing sausage-related jokes, while arriving at the lowest point of his career since “Death to Smoochy.” Each comic vignette plays like an awful SNL skit where funny faces and voices replace funny acting and writing. One sequence may even go down as one of the worst comic set-pieces in movie history. Bell and Duhamel attend a restaurant where people eat in complete darkness, while being served by waiters in night-vision goggles. This gives director Mark Steven Johnson the opportunity to further exploit his favorite comedic image: people banging to things. The juvenile slapstick reaches a new low when Bell’s zombie-like suitors show up and attack her, culminating in tortuously unfunny chaos that had me screaming, “MAKE IT STOP!”

The dialogue by “Old Dogs” scribes David Diamond and David Weisman is so generic that every word might as well have been capitalized (when Bell has a bad day, she exclaims, “Worst Day Ever!”). When Duhamel’s character, a lightning survivor, tries to boost Bell’s optimism about finding a mate, he utters the groan-inducing line, “Lightning does strike once in a while.” However, the movie does do an exemplary job of describing itself, especially when Bell says that her sister’s marriage will have “the shelf life of a banana.” There’s also a priceless moment when Bell’s father wisely states, “You can’t learn from my mistakes. You’re going to have to go out there and make your own.” That’s certainly the philosophy behind a team of filmmakers who haven’t bothered learning from the mistakes of the countless bad films they’re ripping off.

When in Rome was released on Blu-Ray and DVD on June 15th, 2010.
When in Rome was released on Blu-Ray and DVD on June 15th, 2010.
Photo credit: Touchstone Home Entertainment

“When in Rome” is presented in 1080p High Definition (with a 2.35:1 aspect ratio) and is accompanied by English, Spanish and French audio tracks. In a brief making-of featurette, Johnson says that he had fun making a “magic movie” because the fantastical plot gave him the freedom to do whatever he wanted (a freedom best utilized by filmmakers in far better control of their craft). He said that Bell’s suitors were meant to represent the five traits women look for in men: wealthy, handsome, creative, mysterious and faithful (surprisingly, he never mentions sex offender). Bell admits that she didn’t know she was a physical comedian, as if the film somehow convinced her otherwise. The cast and crew appear to have had such a blast goofing off that they clearly forgot about the audience in the process.

Don’t expect to find any laughs hidden within the disc’s seventeen minutes of deleted scenes, including an alternate opening and ending. Without Christopher Young’s score highlighting punch-lines like a laugh track, this footage further highlights just how dead the movie is, and how inept editors Ryan Folsey and Andrew Marcus are at pacing and comic timing. There’s also a boring blooper reel and music videos featuring Friday Night Boys, 30H!3 and Katy Perry. Perhaps the only reason why this Blu-ray disc is worse than the one for the equally loathsome rom-com “Leap Year” is its exclusion of a DVS (Descriptive Video Service) track. I would’ve loved to have heard a stern narrator hurriedly describe some of this film’s inane sequences with lines like, “Beth hurls the vase at an elderly woman,” and “Al forces Beth to hold his bratwurst.”

‘When in Rome’ is released by Touchstone Home Entertainment and stars Kristen Bell, Josh Duhamel, Will Arnett, Dax Shepard, Jon Heder, Danny DeVito, Alexis Dziena, Lee Pace, Kate Micucci, Bobby Moynihan and Anjelica Huston. It was written by David Diamond and David Weissman and directed by Mark Steven Johnson. It was released on June 15th, 2010. It is rated PG-13.

HollywoodChicago.com staff writer Matt Fagerholm

By MATT FAGERHOLM
Staff Writer
HollywoodChicago.com
matt@hollywoodchicago.com

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