Kate Hudson in ‘Something Borrowed’ is Something Bad

Rating: 2.0/5.0

CHICAGO – Wedding movies, the wedding industrial complex, weddings as women’s literature, where does it end? (divorce) It’s that time of year, and the wedding film makes its ritualistic appearance, here represented by the morally bankrupt “Something Borrowed.”

This upper middle class fantasy involves peachy-keen, newly minted thirtysomethings experiencing the wedding bell blues. They love each other, over and over again, but have no trouble sneaking behind each other’s backs for a little hey-hey. The most disingenuous character turns out to be a hero, and the most heroic ends up struggling with his vague sexual orientation in London. What is a family values culture to do?

Rachel (Ginnifer Goodwin) walks into her 30th birthday surprise party, which is shorthand for a this-is-your-life movie set up. Her best friend Darcy (that name should be stricken from the women’s literature oeuvre), portrayed by Kate Hudson, lauds her with a powerpoint about their best friendship, which includes their dorky childhood friend Ethan (John Krasinski). It seems that Rachel, while in law school, introduced Darcy to her eventual fiancé, Dex (Colin Egglesfield). But Dex and Rachel have a secret, one that never got the proper exposition.

Darcy ends up being too loaded at the party, and forces Dex and Rachel to retrieve her Chanel purse (which is quickly pointed out to cost $2000). Sharing a cab home, the old law school study partners switch their electives to biology, and as the sun comes up the next morning Rachel and Dex wake up in each other arms (he’s “something borrowed”). It seems that the secrets is they have always were attracted to each other.

Together but Separate: Ginnifer Goodwin (Rachel) and Colin Egglesfield (Dex) in ‘Something Borrowed’ Photo credit: Warner Bros. Pictures

There are a series of complications that arise from this dilemma. Rachel is the maid of honor in the wedding, of course. Ethan becomes Rachel’s confidant in the matter. Dex becomes a d-bag as he can’t decide what to do. And mutual friend Marcus (Steve Howey) flits about looking for someone to ‘hey-hey’ him.

Most of the performances, given the schizophrenic manners of the characters, find difficulty in maintaining consistency. It basically comes down to how fabulous we are forced to believe these so-called New Yorkers are. Kate Hudson’s Darcy is annoying, she has a personality that most people would prescribe recommended drug therapy to, and her chemistry with her “best friend” is non-existent (dancing to a Salt ‘N Pepa song doesn’t count). Ginnifer Goodwin as Rachel needs a bit more wildness to her if we’re to believe that she parties with Kate and has one night stands with her best friend’s fiancé.

The boys in the narrative express the typical post technological “know-nothingness” of the modern male age. Dex is a frigging mess, looking like a GQ model but acting like an indecisive cad. There is no sympathy for his strange Rachel-or-Darcy problem, because he blows like the wind without no consequence. He’s a reprobate and totally undeserving of any love, without heavy psychotherapy. Maybe Darcy and he could get a group rate.

John Krasinski’s Ethan comes off a little better, only because he seems to be the only one honestly tracking the story. He occasionally bursts in to offer Rachel sound advice, which she never follows. Also to his credit, he doesn’t seem like his Jim character from “The Office,” and creates some mystery about himself and his London movements. He is countered by Steve Howey’s Marcus, who motivates himself with a caveman’s instinct for gender relations and a predilection for skateboarding beyond being 15 years old. Hurrah for men!

Wrapped around the questionable morality is the easy, breezy upper middle class lifestyle that movies just can’t quit. We don’t know who is financing the wedding, but everything – from limos for the bachelorette party to $2 million houses in Westchester – magically appear. There is a balance tried by making Dex’s mother (Jill Eikenberry) a bipolar mad rich woman. Behind her creepy mask there was hope for a semi-automatic firearm to dispatch all problems, but alas she just kept smiling and nodding.

Gang’s All Weird: John Krasinski (Ethan), Goodwin, Kate Hudson (Darcy) and Egglesfield in ‘Something Borrowed’ Photo credit: Warner Bros. Pictures

Apparently this is based on a series of best selling books, and with the recent royal wedding it is obvious that America’s Princesses still dream of that big day. But do they dream of their best friend sleep with their fiancé? Do they dream of bizarre GQ model types manipulating their emotions because he can’t make a decision? Do they dream of the $2 million house in Westchester? Well, yes, evidenced by the imported Italian stone over the fireplace. Imported stone!

Basically the fantasy of Something Borrowed cannot be overcome by a little thing called real life. In our world there are consequences for irrational behavior. Ask that rich woman in the film, the one with the itchy trigger finger. She’s waiting for all the characters in the sequel.

[13]	By PATRICK McDONALD [14] Senior Staff Writer HollywoodChicago.com pat@hollywoodchicago.com [13]