CHICAGO – Gather ye children of bad movies. The film critic contributors to HollywoodChicago.com – Spike Walters and Patrick McDonald – are tag teaming to bring you the worst of their reviewin’ woes. From witch hunts to Kevin Hart, and old rock stars to Kevin Hart, these are the worst films of 2015.
There are no rankings, because they are all rank. The ten are listed in descending levels of dread, with Warner Bros., Robert De Niro and yes, Kevin Hart, representing once again – when will they team Bobby D and Kevin in a Warner Bros. buddy cop movie? The persons responsible for the descriptions will be marked accordingly, SW for Spike and PM for Patrick. Cover your eyes and cinema taste, by experiencing the 10 Worst Films of 2015.
“Tomorrowland”
A misbegotten would-be blockbuster that exemplifies the worst impulses of blockbuster filmmaking. “Tomorrowland” has a needlessly convoluted story that drags its audience down so many narrative dead ends – and fills up on red herrings – in a desperate attempt to cloak itself in mystery. I’m usually a fan of old cranky George Clooney, but he’s as lost as everyone else here. And the usually reliable director Brad Bird can’t come up with a sense of wonder. (SW)
“Get Hard”
Warner Bros. executives must have a dart board with bankable stars, and two magic darts to throw, and that’s how they get their slate of film projects (as you will see as you read below). This time it’s Will Ferrell and yes, Kevin Hart, together again for the first time. This clunky comedy dances the fine line of wacky hijinks and borderline stereotyping, and succeeds only in the latter. There were four “creators” on this one – three screenwriters and one extra story developer – which is usually the kiss of death through comedy by committee. There is also obviously sweaty improvisation between Will and Kevin, which mostly flop sweats. (PM)
“The Last Witch Hunter”
Vin Diesel stars as a medieval cross between a hitman and Sherlock Holmes, hunting witches in modern day New York City and uncovering a shadowy conspiracy involving an unholy alliance. It’s a batshit-crazy vanity project that seems to have been reverse engineered from a single image of Diesel scowling and holding a huge flaming sword. This is a movie that begins and ends with Diesel facing off in an epic battle against a possessed tree, the only thing more wooden than he is. (SW)
“The Intern”
Robert De Niro definitely has some bills to pay, because he makes at least one – if not more – awkward “comedies” per year, playing off the various images of his movie personas. This one pairs him – by Warner Bros., natch – with Anne Hathaway as a Miranda Priestly-esque dotcom owner, which might have been relevant in 2003. Of course Bobby D is the older retiree who is an “intern” in the fashion company, and ends up saving the day. Full of typical character types – wacky fat guy, clueless senior citizen, sassy gay assistant – and epic miscasting (Anders Holm of “Workaholics” portrays Anne Hathaway’s “husband”), this is a perfect example of writer/director Nancy Meyers not having a clue about modern businesses. With Renee Russo as a girlfriend character for Bobby D, tiresomely insisting all the while that she is old. (PM)
“The Wedding Ringer”
Comedian Kevin Hart (yes, him again) started 2015 on the wrong foot, with this hopelessly hackneyed comedy. Hart stars as a professional Best-Man-for-Hire, for grooms who don’t have enough friends of their own – but his motormouth-high-pitched schtick only works if he has something funny to do. This is a laugh-free trod through a barren wasteland of failed jokes and contrived situations that is a disaster from the opening credits. “The Wedding Ringer” was a Wedding Stinker. (SW)
“Danny Collins” “Ricki and the Flash” “Rock the Kasbah”
A three-for-one category that exposed a deadly trend in genre filmmaking – old movie stars portraying aging rock ‘n roll characters. “Danny Collins” featured Al Pacino as his “hoo-ha” finest as a rocker trying for redemption in the most awkward and unrealistic way. “Ricki and the Flash” had a horrible script (by “Juno” scribe Diablo Cody), and threw away a stellar cast headed by Meryl Streep as rocker Ricki. And finally, Bill Murray in one of the most misguided and Ugly American old-rocker-themed films, “Rock the Kasbah.” What they all have in common is idiotic stories, while the potential for exploring the 1960s generation in older contemplation is wasted. It can be all summed up by three words – “Al Pacino sings.” (PM)
“The Cobbler”
This movie almost has to be seen to be believed – it’s most shocking quality is that it exists at all. Adam Sandler is a cobbler who, thanks to his dear old dad’s magic shoe repair machine, is able to slip into the identity of other people merely by slipping on their shoes. The film, directed by Tom McCarthy of this year’s lauded “Spotlight,” is a series of one incomprehensible miscalculation after another. It ends up with Sandler putting on dear old dad’s shoes and doing Oedipus one better by taking his own mother for a romantic night on the town. Once this is seen, it cannot be forgotten. (SW)
“Hot Pursuit”
This is a film that propels itself on the premise that screaming every line makes them funnier, and one of the dialogue screamers is Sofia Vergara. A “buddy” comedy (by the dart throwers of Warner Bros.) of the lowest form, it teams Vergara with…wait for it…Reese Witherspoon. Both actresses have proved adept at comedy before, but it’s obvious that they need decent material to deliver. Some of the “gags” include a rolling suitcase that Vergara’s character keeps dragging around, a cocaine truck that explodes (uh-huh), menstruation jokes and Witherspoon dressing up as Justin Bieber (which emphasizes once and for all how girlish JB looks). Also the winner of the laziest movie title of the year – it should come with its own hammock. (PM)
“Our Brand Is Crisis”
This is the movie that filled me with a sense of fury and anger. – not at the political operatives blatantly manipulating the populace for morally dubious ends, but at the filmmakers for stealing two hours from my life which I’ll never get back. Who exactly is this film for anyway? It’s a smug, inept satire that can’t be bothered to entertain, since it’s too busy patting itself on the back for having a faux cynicism about the world of politics. This is a movie too full of itself and its condescension towards eveything else to realize how dumb it really is. (SW)
“Entourage”
One of the most anticipated TV-series-to-movie transitions became one of the biggest bombs of the year, by exposing the sins of the original HBO series in a confined two hour format. What began in 2004 as a mid-level adventure of four New York City street guys in the soft environs of Los Angeles movie stardom devolved into this junk, revealing the misogyny, male menopause and weird agendas of the aging characters – Jerry “Turtle” Ferrara, for example, wanted his weight loss pointed out about thirty times. It was all just very uncomfortable within a two hour story, with Billy Bob Thornton and Haley Joel Osment lending their six names to an already crowded cast list. It begged for Billy Bob and Jeremy Piven’s toupees to come to life and have a drain clogging contest. Distributed by Warner Bros., you guys stay classy. (PM)
CLICK HERE [22] for the 10 Best Films of 2015 by Patrick McDonald of HollywoodChicago.com.
Happy New Year from HollywoodChicago.com to our loyal readers. We love you, man!
[23] | By PATRICK McDONALD [24] |
Links:
[1] http://www.hollywoodchicago.com/users/hankq
[2] http://www.hollywoodchicago.com/news/10-worst-films-2015
[3] http://www.hollywoodchicago.com/news/2015-worst-movies
[4] http://www.hollywoodchicago.com/news/bad-films-2015
[5] http://www.hollywoodchicago.com/news/danny-collins
[6] http://www.hollywoodchicago.com/news/entourage
[7] http://www.hollywoodchicago.com/news/film-feature
[8] http://www.hollywoodchicago.com/news/get-hard
[9] http://www.hollywoodchicago.com/news/hollywoodchicagodotcom-content
[10] http://www.hollywoodchicago.com/news/hot-pursuit
[11] http://www.hollywoodchicago.com/news/list
[12] http://www.hollywoodchicago.com/news/our-brand-in-crisis
[13] http://www.hollywoodchicago.com/news/patrick-mcdonald
[14] http://www.hollywoodchicago.com/news/ricki-the-flash
[15] http://www.hollywoodchicago.com/news/rock-the-kasbah
[16] http://www.hollywoodchicago.com/news/spike-walters
[17] http://www.hollywoodchicago.com/news/the-cobbler
[18] http://www.hollywoodchicago.com/news/the-intern
[19] http://www.hollywoodchicago.com/news/the-last-witch-hunter
[20] http://www.hollywoodchicago.com/news/the-wedding-ringer
[21] http://www.hollywoodchicago.com/news/tomorrowland
[22] http://www.hollywoodchicago.com/news/26119/film-feature-the-10-best-films-of-2015-by-patrick-mcdonald
[23] mailto:pat@hollywoodchicago.com
[24] http://www.hollywoodchicago.com/about#PAT