 Rating: 1.0/5.0 |
CHICAGO – It took eight years to reunite the cast of the original “The Fast and the Furious” - Vin Diesel [1], Paul Walker [2], Jordana Brewster [3], and Michelle Rodriguez [4]. What’s changed in that time? The franchise lost two articles and gained an ampersand. Maybe the next film will simply be called “F F”. I can think of one word that starts with ‘F’ that certainly applies to the latest film - failure.
With dialogue that wouldn’t pass an eighth-grade English class, two lethargic lead performances by a pair of actors who might as well be wearing signs that say “for the paycheck,” and only two real racing sequences, “Fast & Furious [5]” is likely to let down even the most forgiving and hardcore fans of one of the more successful franchises of the ’00s.
(L to R) Paul Walker and Vin Diesel reteam as agent Brian OConner and fugitive ex-con Dom Toretto for the ultimate chapter of the franchise built on speed.
Photo credit: Jaimie Trueblood and Universal
“Fast & Furious” opens with an exceedingly goofy and illogical sequence in which Dominic Toretto (Vin Diesel) and his girl Letty (Michelle Rodriguez) attempt to hijack gas tankers while speeding down a hill. Why they don’t just hijack them when the driver is taking a leak at a rest stop isn’t clear. Prepare to not just suspend your disbelief but destroy it if you want to make it through “Fast & Furious”.
After a tanker goes boom in a CGI effect that looks awkward now and will look ridiculous in just a few years, Dom’s gang decides that things have gotten a bit too dangerous and they need to split up for a while or risk attracting the attention of the feds. Dom and Letty split until he receives a phone call from his sister Mia (Jordana Brewster) that she’s been murdered and he’s forced back to the States to avenge her death.
At the same time, Brian O’Conner (Paul Walker) has become a tough, on-the-edge FBI agent. Perhaps no one has sold “tough and on-the-edge” less convincingly than Paul Walker. Brian’s investigating a drug-trafficking ring led by a mysterious crime lord and it turns out that his case and Lety’s death are linked. When Brian and Dom realize they’re trying to bring down the same guy, they’re forced to work together again.
From there, “Fast & Furious” accelerates quickly into utter nonsense. Why did the team behind this franchise think we’d want to watch Dom and Brian infiltrate a boring drug ring? All fans really want to see is racing, sexy girls, and maybe a little witty banter, but “Fast & Furious” doesn’t even provide a lot of that.
Daredevil Letty (Michelle Rodriguez) and fugitive ex-con Dom Toretto (Vin Diesel) prepare for the fuel heist.
Photo credit: Jaimie Trueblood and Universal
This far into the movie, fans get their first real racing scene. Get this - to pick drivers to transport drugs across the border, the crime ring stages elaborate drag races through crowded streets. Yeah, because the best way to plan your illegal operation is to draw attention to yourself.
To be fair, the sequence where Dom and Brian race to get into the gang is easily the best in the film. It’s the only time that director Justin Lin comes alive, bouncing cars off each other and screeching around corners with frenetic glee. If there was more over-the-top driving, “Fast & Furious” might work as escapism. But this sequence and one other late in the film are the only true racing moments in a film that features more talking about driving than actual pedal to the metal.
With another half-asleep performance by Diesel, a disappointing turn by Walker even by his scale, nearly cameo roles by Brewster and Rodriguez, a boring villain, and hardly any action at all, it’s hard to understand what the team behind “Fast & Furious” were thinking. I know. It’s just an action movie and I shouldn’t be so critical, but it has hardly any action and the rest barely qualifies as a movie.
 [6] | By BRIAN TALLERICO [7] |