Just for Laughs Chicago: Lisa Lampanelli vs. HollywoodChicago.com

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CHICAGO – Two intrepid HollywoodChicago.com reporters – Patrick McDonald and Alissa Norby – faced off against the “queen of mean” – comic Lisa Lampanelli – with the help of ace HC photog Joe Arce. Who will come out of this pit morally alive?

Lisa Lampanelli in Chicago, June 20, 2009. READY: Smiling and greeting
Lisa Lampanelli in Chicago, June 20, 2009. READY: Smiling and greeting
Photo credit: Joe Arce of Starstruck Foto for HollywoodChicago.com

The following is the actual transcript – with notable dirty words slightly altered – in the exchange between Lampanelli and McDonald and Norby, while camped into the queen’s dressing room in the Chicago Theater on June 20th. The photographs and descriptions are Joe Arce’s.

Patrick McDonald: It was said I’d get one question.

Lisa Lampanelli: F**king f*ggots, always have questions.

PM: I was born around the same time (names year) as you…

LL: (Quickly corrects me with the year after I mentioned), don’t even f**king start it, you dirty f*ggot.

PM: …what do you think people of our generation lost out on, and gained at the same time, in this particular moment in social history?

LL: I just want to murder you in your f**king sleep, lucky you missed out on the death penalty because that is what I would give you for that friggin’ question.

AIM: Pondering
AIM: Pondering
Photo credit: Joe Arce of Starstruck Foto for HollywoodChicago.com

That’s awful, but I like you, and I’m not the same generation, I’m a year younger.

No, I like you, didn’t we talk?

PM: No.

LL: What’s your name, f*ggot?

PM: Patrick McDonald, HollywoodChicago.com

LL: F**king jag-off.

FIRE: Lethal Barrage When Comic Sharks Attack
FIRE: Lethal Barrage When Comic Sharks Attack
Photo credit: Joe Arce of Starstruck Foto for HollywoodChicago.com

Lisa is now very depressed that she didn’t see “Jimmy”. It is now HC theater critic Alissa Norby’s turn to ask the one question.

Alissa Norby: How do you transition from journalism to stand-up, and who were your influences that helped in the process?

LL: Well, I have to tell you when you’re doing journalism, it’s really hard and you earn about 12,000 dollars a year. So I said to myself, listen, why don’t I earn more by saying the word c*nt, comedy was the only thing to do.

Transitionally, that’s what happened. And I was a DJ in between. I don’t like to brag but I did weddings and karaoke. I like karaoke, so f**king step off, I will sing the f**king rings around you, ‘Paradise by the Dashboard Lights’. Best karaoke singer in the world!

AN: I won’t challenge it.

LL: Yeah, don’t.

It was time to leave the queen’s dressing room.

Patrick McDonald: Say random things and I’ll make up a question.

Lisa Lampanelli replied to that favor. The following is the question and her answer…

PM: Given the internal and external strife that is manifested within our short, desperate existence, what is your opinion on the question of the supreme being?

LL: Eat my box.

Just for Laughs Chicago can be seen on TBS all weekend, June 27th and 28th. Check TV listings for times and programming. Lisa Lampanelli’s website may contain an edible box.

HollywoodChicago.com staff writer Patrick McDonald

Staff Writer

© 2009 Patrick McDonald, HollywoodChicago.com

Amaderblog's picture

Really like your view.

Really like your view. Some real matters are discussed in here. Thanks for sharing with us.

~ Nick

Anonymous's picture

Truly, your piece goes to

Truly, your piece goes to the nitty-gritty of the subject. Your clarity leaves me wanting to know more. Just so you know, i will immediately grab your feed to keep up to date with your web site. Sounding Out thanks is simply my little way of saying bravo for a solid resource. Accept my best wishes for your incoming post.

Anonymous's picture


Through my 27 years of infinite wisdom (my parents always said I was a smart-ass), I’ve learned a few things. Women, yea I consider myself an expert in the female area if you know what I mean (wink) - and the most important thing I’ve learned is to stay away from a woman on her PMS days. In fact, I’ve put together a few acronyms (abbreviations) based on my experience with the syndrome.

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