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Film Review: Bar is Set Low in Retread of ‘Conan the Barbarian’

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CHICAGO – Sword and sandal epics are almost expected to have wooden acting and absurd dialogue. The new film “Conan the Barbarian” meets those expectations, and doesn’t offer any action or originality to counteract the anticipated flaws.

HollywoodChicago.com Oscarman rating: 2.5/5.0
Rating: 2.5/5.0

The film is a redundant mass of stand-offs and battles, that has as a reasoning the eventual heroics of Conan (who is birthed on a battlefield and given a Jesus-like reverence). These confrontations are literally 80 percent of the film, and concedes with predictable and explicit probability that Conan will reign supreme. The scenic elements are the highlight of the film, it is the humans that trod upon it that spoils the atmosphere, and the movie.

Corin (Ron Perlman), is the leader of the Barbarians, a warring tribe in an ancient society that fights a supernatural power by scattering pieces of a mystical, conjuring mask that supposedly can make the dead rise back to rule the earth. Conan (Jason Momoa) is born in the midst of this conflict, cut from his dying mother on the battlefield. The evil Khalar Zym (Stephen Lang) is in pursuit of the mask, aided by his daughter Marique (Rose McGowan), who is also a witch.

They find the last piece of the mask puzzle with the Barbarians, then burn the village and kill Conan’s father. The son goes out into the world with revenge on his mind, and that leads him to an ancient monastery, where Tamara (Rachel Nichols) is told through prophecy that she and Conan will come together. She also has pure blood, which will activate the powers of the mask. This becomes a race between Khalar and Conan, to see who will possess Tamara and what purpose will be served once she is contained.

“Conan the Barbarian” opens everywhere August 19th. See listings for 3D showings. Featuring Jason Momoa, Stephen Lang, Rachel Nichols, Ron Perlman and Rose McGowan. Adapted for the screen by Thomas Dean Donnelly, Joshua Oppenheimer and Sean Hood. Directed by Marcus Nispei. Rated “R”

StarContinue reading for Patrick McDonald’s full review of “Conan the Barbarian”

My Kingdom for a Gym: Jason Momoa as  ‘Conan the Barbarian’’
My Kingdom for a Gym: Jason Momoa as ‘Conan the Barbarian’
Photo credit: Simon Varsano for Lionsgate

StarContinue reading for Patrick McDonald’s full review of “Conan the Barbarian”

Michael_E's picture

I am so glad that you came

I am so glad that you came here to give us the truth about this movie in your review. Often we find reviews that are only positive but you give it to us straight and it is greatly appreciated.

 

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