TV Review: Dating Show Celebrities Join Forces in ‘Bachelor Pad’

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CHICAGO – I’m critically torn regarding the ridiculousness that is ABC’s “Bachelor Pad,” the “Celebrity Rehab” of dating shows. Getting together the most obnoxious and ludicrous contestants from the last few seasons of “The Bachelor” and “The Bachelorette” has a certain brilliance to it on a production level, but it’s also hard to fully defend the silliest thing on network TV right now. Is it OK if the producers know how silly it is and play it up? Does it make it better to be knowledgeable of your ridiculousness? To that end, ABC’s “Bachelor Pad” kind of delivers exactly what it should with over-the-top personalities, catfights, rivalries, and people who act more like reality TV stars than, you know, actual people. I’m just not sure “what it should” is worthwhile.

TV Rating: 3.0/5.0

Honestly, my biggest problem with “Bachelor Pad” is the bloated nature of the whole thing. There is no reason on Earth for a reality show called “Bachelor Pad” to run three hours long but that’s exactly how long tonight’s season premiere runs, taking up the ENTIRE ABC block of primetime. And the show is stretched way past the breaking point even for its fans. It’s half-an-hour before the contestants even start arriving at the house where they will basically all go insane. And every interview, interaction, competition, commercial break is stretched — this thing should be an hour max, maybe two, NEVER three.

Bachelor Pad
Photo credit: ABC

If you’re unfamiliar, “Bachelor Pad” mixes up the most tabloid-beloved characters from the last few seasons of “The Bachelor” and “The Bachelorette” in one house and has them compete for money, love, and TMZ headlines. That’s about it. They drink, compete, fight, flirt, and vote each other off. The “source material” for this show can at least attempt to boast a foundation based on love but the producers of “Bachelor Pad” barely even try. In fact, not everyone in the house is even single, as two former contestants come in as a couple.

Bachelor Pad Photo credit: ABC

That couple is set up as the lynchpin for the season as Casey and his notorious girlfriend Vienna enter as a pair, ready to stir things up, most notably with Vienna’s ex-fiance Jake. Will Casey fight with Jake? Will Vienna? And how will their relationship hold up? (Hint — not well at all, not even by the halfway mark.) Almost everyone in the house seems to have some relationship with at least one other member of the pad. It’s casting that has been designed for fights, rivalries, and reality TV insanity. As for the Vienna vs. Jake debacle, they’re both absolute nightmares — two people who CRAVE the attention of the camera.

In other words, they’re perfect for a show like “Bachelor Pad.” And that’s why I’m critically torn. Yes, Vienna and Jake are pretty horrendous human beings (based on what I’ve seen on TV) but if you’re going to do a show like this aren’t they perfect casting? The biggest concern for fans of this franchise should be that future contestants on “The Bachelor” and “The Bachelorette” will simply go further and further over the top for a shot at “Bachelor Pad.” You’re going to have more Viennas and more Jakes. Good luck with that.

And they’re not alone. There are multiple other strong personalities, like the guy who got kicked off “The Bachelorette” for having a girlfriend and the notoriously-wacky Gia. And these crazy people say some admittedly entertaining things. Before the show has really even started, we hear a woman say “I will punch you in the face over and over again until I break your frickin’ nose.” Other great lines include “I don’t think its normal for a couple to break up and then have to move in together,” “I’m mentally beating the sh*t out of him and it feels frickin’ awesome,” and “What if somebody here gets an erection?”

My biggest problem with “The Bachelor” and “The Bachelorette” series (besides their bloated running times) is that they understand almost nothing about actual love (as evidenced by their horrendous track record in maintaining couples after the cameras stop rolling). To that end, “Bachelor Pad” is nowhere near as annoying. Everyone knows how silly these people are and the fact that they play up their personalities can make for some entertaining moments. It’s awful but in kind of a great way.

By BRIAN TALLERICO Content Director HollywoodChicago.com brian@hollywoodchicago.com