Blu-Ray Review: ‘The Last Song’ Fails to Hit Emotional Notes

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CHICAGO – Nicholas Sparks is the Michael Bay of touchy-feely weepies. No matter how derivative or cynically calculating his stories prove to be, they never fail to rake in the dough. Several of his books have been turned into blockbusters, the best of which benefit greatly from the strength of their cast, as in “A Walk to Remember” and “The Notebook.”

Unfortunately, “The Last Song,” stars The Artist Currently Known as Hannah Montana, Miley Cyrus, who seems uncomfortable acting without a laugh track. Her initial attempt at graduating from the Mickey Mouse Club into big girl roles was admittedly doomed from the start, since this Sparks adaptation is the first co-written by the author himself, who succeeds in making his work appear even more cloying onscreen. This is the cuddliest cancer drama since “My Sister’s Keeper.”

HollywoodChicago.com Blu-Ray Rating: 1.5/5.0
Blu-Ray Rating: 1.5/5.0

No one familiar with Sparks’ work will be surprised by the third act emergence of cancer into the plot, since the author is all too fond of utilizing fatal diseases to extract an easy emotional response. Once the false crisis resolves itself, the real one materializes like clockwork. Cyrus plays Ronnie, a moody teen with lips frozen in a permanent pout. It’s a good thing she’s surrounded by men of infinite patience, since the film could easily devolve into a series of whiny screaming matches. Ronnie is an obnoxious character, to be sure, but Cyrus fails to make any of her dialogue sound authentically agitated. Her line delivery is so flat that she might as well be performing a cold read of the script, via cue cards. And when her character is required to become emotional, Cyrus closes her eyes, as if waiting for tears to form. It’s a bad performance, and her love interest, Australian newcomer Liam Hemsworth, is no better. Their scenes together consist largely of Cyrus grimacing and Hemsworth smiling, while rushing through dialogue they seem to have memorized minutes before the camera started rolling. It’s laughable to see Cyrus’s character reading “Anna Karenina,” and even more laughable for Hemsworth to start quoting it on the spot. These kids clearly wouldn’t know Tolstoy from “Toy Story.”

Liam Hemsworth and Miley Cyrus star in Julie Anne Robinson’s The Last Song.
Liam Hemsworth and Miley Cyrus star in Julie Anne Robinson’s The Last Song.
Photo credit: Touchstone Home Entertainment

Anyway, Ronnie is sent to stay with her estranged father (a genuinely heartbreaking, criminally wasted Greg Kinnear) at his beachside house for the summer. She’s joined by her younger brother, played by Elmo soundalike Bobby Coleman, who seems hellbent on trying to out-cute the equally insufferable Jae Head from “The Blind Side,” though his goofy, Rick Moranis-sized grin does hold a certain charm, which is more than can be said for Cyrus. When Ronnie first arrives at her father’s house, she walks directly past him without saying a word, prompting Kinnear to softly exclaim, “Wow.” That’s the first of several times this word is said in Ronnie’s presence, as if her every action is some sort of mini-revelation (credit must be granted to co-writer Sparks). You kissed a boy, Ronnie? Wow. You can sing? Wow. You were once a child prodigy before your parents’ divorce, which transformed you into a self-pitying shoplifter? Huh? This film utilizes every trick in the book to ensure a mechanical chorus of sobs to sound during the utterly contrived climax. Yet you may need a lump in your head before you can get one in your throat.

The Last Song was released on Blu-Ray and DVD on Aug. 17, 2010.
The Last Song was released on Blu-Ray and DVD on Aug. 17, 2010.
Photo credit: Touchstone Home Entertainment

“The Last Song” is presented in 1080p High Definition (with a 2.35:1 aspect ratio), accompanied by English and French audio tracks, and includes a DVD copy of the film. Director Julie Anne Robinson provides relatively thoughtful commentary tracks for both the film and its ten minutes of snooze-worthy deleted scenes. Accompanied by co-producer Jennifer Gibgot (“17 Again”), Robinson’s warmly articulated dissection of the film’s themes makes for a pleasant listen, though it rarely connects with the emotional nuance failing to register on the screen. She marvels at the “chemistry” developing between real-life couple Cyrus and Hemsworth, though both actors are so dull that their offscreen spark never catches fire in front of the camera. She also laughs at the story’s obvious inconsistencies, such as Will’s ludicrous excess of uber-masculine jobs (engineer, aquarium worker, flaming ball juggler, etc.), without explaining why she didn’t bother to fix it for the betterment of her own film.

The monstrously precocious, yet endearingly energetic Coleman hosts a brief tour of the set, in which he gushes about his love of Tybee Island (the film’s shooting location), flesh wounds courtesy of the makeup crew, and especially craft service. Just like “Walk to Remember,” “Song” ends with…well, a song delivered by its lead singer-turned-actress. The efficiently stirring tune, “When I Look at You,” is well-delivered by Cyrus, despite some oddly poor lip-synching on the accompanying music video. There’s also a rather inexplicable featurette about the making of the video, which was helmed by Adam Shankman (“Walk to Remember”), who claims that it’s his first music video in a decade. He’s clearly forgotten all about his recent online masterwork, “Prop 8: The Musical.”

‘The Last Song’ is released by Touchstone Home Entertainment and stars Miley Cyrus, Greg Kinnear, Bobby Coleman, Liam Hemsworth and Kelly Preston. It was written by Nicholas Sparks & Jeff Van Wie and directed by Julie Anne Robinson. It was released on Aug. 17th, 2010. It is rated PG.

HollywoodChicago.com staff writer Matt Fagerholm

By MATT FAGERHOLM
Staff Writer
HollywoodChicago.com
matt@hollywoodchicago.com

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