LIVE BLOGGING TONIGHT! The MTV Movie Awards on June 1, 2008

Here we go, from the beginning to the first commericial break

7:00pm

- Am I suppose to know Benji Madden? I guess he’s Paris Hilton’s BF! That’s the interview before the intro?

- Is Mike Meyers doing a take-off on “Wings of Desire” in the opener? Great nut kick on Seth Meyers (his son?)

- Chris Brown looks like Michael Jackson stepped in a leather bar.

- Dance off? One Joke that didn’t work.

- Will Smith, Charlize Theron and Jason Bateman to give Best Female Performance. Prediction: Ellen Page. It’s a cock joke, because it’s “Hancock.” I get it. WINNER: Ellen Page, duh. Dang, she’s short. Charlize looks like an Amazon next to her. Requisite Diablo Cody reaction shot.

- Rainn Wilson: Nice fire reference considering the Universal lot blaze today

MIKE MEYER “Love Guru” Reference Scoreboard - 4

7:10pm - Commercial

7:28 -Adam wants me to put these all on one thread!

Seth Rogen and Pineapple Express Partner: Lame Weed Joke. Giving Best Summer Movie So Far. Prediction: Iron Man. Winner: IRON MAN! Jon Favreau has the funniest joke so far, which isn’t saying anything. But he did reference Apple Martin. Apple Martin for President.

7:33 Another Commericial!

Patrick McDonald is film critic and writer for this very web publication. And he is also in a band! www.myspace.com/thetelepaths

7:38pm

- Fairly funny Mike Meyers as caterer to the star bit. I like when she listed everything stars like. Al Pacino = Captain Crunch.

- Sarah Jessica Parker and Jennifer Hudson, cracking up giving Best Male Performance. Bad bit on high heels and Jennifer looks like three Sarahs in one? More of her to love. Prediction: Michael Cera from Juno WINNER: Will Smith, duh he’s there. His son from Happyness came up with him

Patrick McDonald is film critic and writer for this very web publication. And he is also in a band! www.myspace.com/thetelepaths

7:44 - Commercial

7:49pm

- WAYNE’S WORLD! I have to admit, they both look pretty good. Here comes a schwing! Over Tia Tequila. Top Ten porno names is okay. The old men are still doing the catch phrases - see monkey fly out of butt. Best porno name is Scat-atouille. Does Myers have the Wayne’s World set at his house?

- Steve Carrell, Dwayne Johnson and Ann Hathaway. Best Comedic Performance. Prediction: Seth Rogen. Johnson goes off script and cracks Carrell and no doubt Apple Martin up. WINNER: Johnny Depp, surprising. He looks like a refugee from “Gossip Girl.” Good look on JD. His mumbled speech was incoherent.

- Verne Troyer will always have a job as long as Mike Meyers works. Pointless sketch that he starts. Did Orbit gum pay for the punchline? I guess that’s the commercial, but I’ll stay with this thread.

- Tom Cruiser wears a sweater that would look good in the 1980s. He, strangely enough, is giving the Generations Award to Adam Sandler. Have they made a film together? Maybe they are in the same Scientology class. His joke anecdote makes no sense. Sandler was probably 16 years old when “Risky Business” came out (the reference).

I’m not a big Sandler fan, but I appreciate his longevity. I think I’ve seen “Punch Drunk Love” and “Little Nicky.” Can anybody recommend his funniest?

Sandler comes out singing “Nobody Does it Better” to himself. Lotsa Zohan clips just in case. The song goes on for about 4 minutes too long. Not surprising considering the rest of the show.

Awkward meeting between Tom C. and Adam S.

8:10pm - Commercial. Longest segment yet (if you discount the Orbit ad)

8:15pm

- Stiller has a funny sketch about viral videos. I’ve been doing those lately and he’s not too far off. Second nut cracker of the night (Jack Black victim). Groin kick always works, like the humping dog. Killer sketch, literally.

- P Diddy, Lindsay Lohan and Verne Troyer (Meyer gets 5th “Love Guru” plug) Best Breakthrough Performance Award. Prediction: McLovin from Superbad. Bad Obama-Hillary style crosstalk. WINNER: Zac Efron. Verne Troyer gets stepped on when Zac comes up. Why was he there? Love Guru.

8:23 - Commercial

8:28pm

- Brendon Frasier must be high on something someone said. That was from the pre-show. Best Villain Award. Prediction: Javier Bardem. When will they have best nude scene (just saw Angelina Jolie from Beowulf). WINNER: Johnny Depp again. Glad to see him again as he looked from 21 Jump Street. Another mumbly speech. What’s hanging out of his back pocket?

- I have no idea who is introducing the Pussycat Dolls, some show cast.

Spice Girls not slutty enough for you? Let’s invent the Pussycat Dolls. It doesn’t matter that all their songs sound the same, as long as there is leather. A day no cow would live. Best PCD? Yellowpants, sprayed on carefully. Choreography that’s only missing the stripper pole. Nice pose at the end.

8:36pm- Commercial

8:41pm

- Raihn Wilson and Jennifer I don’t know. Raihn is nude, baby, Mike Meyers must be proud. Best Kiss Award. Prediction: Juno kids. WINNER:” Step Up 2: The Streets.” Damn, I have to put that on my Netflix queue. They know they’re gonna win and still they must kiss. Let’s hope the Orbit concession was in back.

- Meyers Hollywood Animal Trainer bit. Its subtle, not a Meyers trademark. “Does anybody have the menses?” is a sure laugh line. Also “proclivity for diptheria.” The old eating poo joke. Where’s Stifler from one of the ten American Pie movies? Not bad.

8:48pm -Commercial

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8:52pm

Ben Stiller, Jack Black, Robert Downey, Jr. Best Movie Award. Prediction: Juno (get ready, Diablo). I liked the follow up from Jack Black on his re-attached head. Black rules! Black gets bleeped. I think he said “tits.” WINNER: Transformers. Wow, the worst movie is the best. How lovely. The man just announced Transformer’s 2. Second bleep of the night. I think it was f**k!

- Mike Meyers ends it by plugging the Love Guru for the 7th time. Schwing!