The Intellectual Event of 2004

My dear, sweet ex-roommate whom I absolutely adore, came upon some special advanced screening tickets to a film. It’s pretty much a given that the first person we ask is each other when we get these things, being the movie buffs that we are. We’ve been to quite a few together, so it came as no surprise when she asked me to go tonight. I jump at the chance to see new films - in my opinion, no movie experience is a wasted experience … there is always something to be learned or enjoyed about seeing a film in the theatre.

When she said that she was bringing along two thirteen-year-olds (her boss’s daughter & friend), I was cool with that. I enjoy youths (two yoots!) & don’t get chance enough to spend with the future of America. I wondered what kind of movie it was, though, that we would be entrusting with these two lovely ladies.

First of all, our cab driver couldn’t have been worse. Stopping at green lights, running reds, turning north when we obviously needed to go south, driving slow as molasses.

Secondly, we get to the theatre & it’s filled with children. Mostly girls, all screaming & jabbering, demanding Junior Mints & blue raspberry slushies. “What in the hell?” I think.

Then I see what movie we’re going to attend.

Ladies & gentlemen … Dear Readers … I am about to go somewhere I had vowed I’d never go….

To an Olsen Twins movie.

New York Minute.

Stop laughing; it’s not funny.

Okay, well, maybe it is.

What am I talking about? It totally is.

As the ex-roommate soon to be ex-friend said when she articulated my thoughts exactly about the movie about three minutes into it … “I liked this movie better when it was called Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.”

Excruciating pain. The best part of the movie was Jared Padalecki. The best part of the movie experience? The ex-roomie asking me about Riley Smith, “What has he been in?”

My response?

“Ashley Olsen, apparently.”

(cue laugh track here)

Ah yes. Amongst the pitter-patter of the noisy pre-teens around me, I watched an assault to American cinema. I now am going to make myself watch a dozen independent foreign films to balance my movie karma —- with subtitles.