Hostel

Directed by: Eli Roth
3 stars
::spoiler alert::

Alright so I kinda feel like I need to write this in a sorta Tarantino-esque type voice, y’know? Because I kept seeing him on the late night talk show circuit, alright? & that’s just the p.o.v. that I get when thinking about reviewing this movie, y’know?

Alright so everybody pretty much knows the plot of the story, alright?

Yeah, everyone knows the plot of the story, everyone’s seen the clips, everyone’s heard the premise. & *THAT* is exactly why it wasn’t necessarily *scary* to me.

As a movie & as a horror, it does have a great premise. It gives us whores & horrors. Its hold on a primal fear of all human beings (capture, torture, no hope for escape, certain death to follow, but until then, excruciating pain) cannot be denied. & for this reason I recommend this movie.

But as a “scary” movie? I didn’t feel any suspense. I didn’t wonder what was going to happen next. I didn’t feel that surge of adrenaline one gets when truly frightened. I cringed at the *idea* of what was happening, I “ewwwwwed” my way through the gore, I moaned loudly with the rest of the audience at a certain decision-making point. But I never felt actually scared.

Which kinda sucked cuz I was really looking forward to a scary movie.

I blame the talk-show circuits for this, the need of an overzealous (but brilliant) producer to (understandably) sell his latest project to a cynical nation.

I didn’t seek out information on this movie; it was simply presented to me. But even then, I was waiting during the movie. Waiting for the scenes I had seen on tv already. I knew that more was to come because I hadn’t yet seen the girl with her eye spilling out of her head. I was waiting for it. & I shouldn’t’ve been. I should’ve been so engrossed in the film, so on the edge of my seat that when that scene did come, it should’ve been, oh, I dunno, actually *SCARY.* Alright?